I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
