he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
