Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
