Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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