May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
