You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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