i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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