I'll bet she douches with gravy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
