i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize