Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
