FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
