so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
