I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
