He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
