How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
