my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
