its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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