My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
