I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
