we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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