so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Someone signed my nipple.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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