I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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