If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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