were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
