Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
