can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
