just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize