I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
