my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
