dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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