never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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