Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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