We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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