Your tits are I can't wait for
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize