apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Im part way to drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
