stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
