I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize