he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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