i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
