i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
