No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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