doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
