Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
