hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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