i love accidental penises.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
