Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
