Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My feet surprised me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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