FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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