Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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