I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
