i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
