i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
