so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
