I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
