Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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