you have to choose: penises or morals?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
