Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
