Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
