Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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