i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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