i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
