i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
