I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ttyl tear gas
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
