drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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