3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
