He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
