no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
