Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
