I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Help. Why am I so naked?
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