Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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