So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
