I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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