Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
