my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
how drunk are you?
Several
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
