32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
