I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize