$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
