I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
