Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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