Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
