Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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