i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
