when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need to calm my uterus...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
