hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
