Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
