If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
