all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
