We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
